Watch out, fellas. A recent study conducted by Yale University grad students has confirmed a long-held suspicion by the staff here at RapNewz: pop icon Beyonce Knowles could effortlessly snatch your squeeze on a motherfucking whim if she so desired. Over a period of two years, Ivy-Leaguers Brittany Klooge and Jessica Marley surveyed over 2,000 women from all around the world about their sexuality, partners, and sexual openness to an all-night scissor session with the one and only Queen Bey. The results were positively eye-opening.
A startling 93% of respondents said they would quit their jobs, leave their partners, and estrange themselves from their own families if Beyonce showed even the slightest interest in being their significant other. The other 7% said they were actively stalking Beyonce already and expected her to warm up to them as their soul mate within the proximate year. In other words, 7% of the women surveyed were hysterically delusional.
The pair of researchers admitted that their own interest in the subject was sparked by what they called an “unexpected primal awakening” of their physical desires that the bodacious singer has caused in recent years. “Lesbihonest,” said Klooge, beginning her statement with a word rarely used by Yale doctoral candidates, “Beyonce is a goddamn feminine icon. Guys wanna be inside her, girls wanna be her. But did you ever stop and think that maybe girls wanna be inside her too? I did. Oh, I did…”
That’s all fine and well, of course, but we here at RapNewz wondered if women had forgotten about Beyonce’s husband Jay-Z in their haste to bag and (metaphorically) bone their idol. We assume that Jay lays claim to first dibbs on that ass; after all, the guy’s put over a decade into the relationship and even fathered a child – Blue Ivy Carter, who inked a $42 million recording contract just weeks after being born – with the star. When pressed on this issue, the researchers became intensely defensive and accused the legendary rapper of being a “cock-gobbling son-of-a-camel,” an allegation Hov flatly denied when we reached out to him.
After getting him on the phone, we also wanted to ask the obvious question: what does Jigga think about the female sex’s overwhelming obsession with his wife? “It’s none of my business, man – I’m a businessman,” he said casually, as if running a business somehow explained his openness to extramarital affairs. He paused a moment before adding, “You know a nigga would watch, though!”